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| Bee on the coleus flower stalk. |
There is nothing like fear to cut anger. I think it's a better salve than happiness because when you're really angry you're invested in holding on to it, and nothing as post-ponable as happiness will oust it.
Last night I was stirring the pot again, walking to the corner drugstore to get a repair kit for my mother-in-law, who'd lost a dental filling during her encounter with a slice of cranberry nut bread from Zaro's. That wasn't why I was angry, on the contrary - I'd hoped taking the walk would distract me from the bitter feeling that was threatening to ruin the start of my weekend, if it hadn't already. Anyway, I walk in to the Walgreen's (which has come and plunked itself down in the old location of our neighborhood grocery store, which was itself hemmed out by astronomical lease rates. I heard Walgreen's paid $5 million, and the grocery store manager told me they just couldn't beat or even match it). I went quickly to the dental aisle and picked up the repair kit and some Ambesol in case my mother-in-law started to have pain - then I went to the register to pay. In front of me there was a frail elderly lady who was speaking in a whisper to the checkout girl while sliding her Chase banking card across the counter. Then she turned to me, stepped aside and said - 'Miss, go ahead.' Normally I would, because I am always in a rush, but instead I said - no, no take your time. I realized that the wait was cooling me down and I really didn't mind. So the old lady turned back to the girl and continued speaking: 'This is my card' (again sliding it towards the register). She had no purchases. Waving her hand: 'I went back, but they are all out'. The girl and I turned to look toward the back of the store trying to figure out what it was that she couldn't find. 'They are out and about doing things'. 'I came out and the door closed, see this is my card' (again pushing the bankcard forward as if it would somehow explain everything) 'I put the key in, I think it was the wrong door...' At this, she put her hand over her mouth in a expression that was a mix of despair and "oh-oh, I made a mistake". It was then that I noticed two medical bracelets on her right wrist and my insides dropped. She was lost, or forgetting, or both. I don't know if we were seeing 'Big Al' or a close cousin, but immediately connecting the dots, the room collapsed into concerted action. It was like slow motion suddenly speeding up again as it does in the Matrix movies. The salesgirl took her to have a seat at the Pharmacy, and made a call to the medics. The security guard nodded assuredly as if he'd just foiled a robbery. Another sales person materialized at the register to ring up my purchases which now seemed ridiculous and comforting at the same time - a lost filling, what a laughable thing! That was when happiness (or a close cousin) was free to make its entry.
Photo: this morning, while writing
