Either paused or hesitating

 Merry Christmas! Well, Christmas is over, as is the blizzard that showered New York City with 20 inches of snow. I love snowstorms: the wind, the snow whipping around in every direction, the whiteness which simplifies the landscape. At times like these I like to read Robert Frost, who seems to have written quite a number of poems about winter. I like to imagine that I am in an open horse-drawn carriage, clippity-clopping my way though some snowy woods or other, everything else in the world either paused or hesitating.

I find that the passage of time is like going up a mountain and then going down the other side. I don't mean that in the cliched sense of being 'over the hill'. I mean, as one ascends, supplies diminish. As fatigue sets in and the vistas open up, one is less and less willing to carry or even consider the unnecessary. As the air gets thinner, one breathes more and speaks less, and what I have found is that I don't even care for the unexpressed thoughts swirling around. There is so much that can and should be dropped. Beyond acknowledging mistakes and pain, taking action, and making whatever amends one can - what else can one do?

In November I surprised myself by allowing, and indeed facilitating the end of an old friendship. I realized that despite honest attempts from both sides, the friendship could not escape a particular dynamic which the other person found expedient, but which I had no interest in repeating. The moment came and I let it go. It felt completely correct.  Finally I see that knowing what you want (or don't want) makes the course of action very clear, and limits regret to misgivings over poor execution. Goodbye, friend.

This morning we had a pink and gold sunrise with sheets of gray, slow moving clouds and birds hurling themselves happily in every direction. It was wonderful having nowhere in particular to be, nowhere is particular to go.

Photo: Mine, Gapstow Bridge,Central Park NYC