Equanimity, anyone?

Since I've been working more with the idea (and actual practice) of living in the moment and releasing attachments where possible, it's become clear that all people, events and things do not lend themselves equally well to this exercise. That's no surprise really, but what is interesting is the new spin this has put on my perception of time. Generally, before something is 'in the past' for me, there must have been some sort of internal resolution which allows my great friend indifference to arise. Once indifference arises, release is not far behind. In the meantime, that thing, person, issue or event is quite present for me.


So, the clock and calendar alone don't do the trick. They just let me measure how long the past is sticking for any particular burning issue. Example: "I've been stinging over this betrayal for the last 6 months..."
That's not all that time does - it also presents me with abundant opportunities to start over, though I can't always avail myself of them. I'm learning that the key to keeping the carpet of time moving forward is to not turn it into a treadmill. And the key to not creating mental and emotional treadmills is - well, if I knew that...


Take shopping for instance. I like to shop. Less so now, but generally, I like shopping for clothing, shoes, handbags. Over the years (of necessity) I've developed a strategy or two for leaving merchandise on the shelf.


Strategy 1: Buy it!
The theory is, the item will get 'old' (hopefully in a day or two), I won't want it and I'll return it.  But in practice - once those tags stay on, even though its in my closet, I still relate to it like a purchase not yet made. I look at it and walk away still 'undecided' until the next thing I know, the 30-day return window has expired and I'm left (literally)  holding the bag. To counter the fiscal irresponsibility of Strategy 1, there is...


Strategy 2: Visit the item at the store.
I tried this a few times. I would fall in love with something, but leave without purchasing it. Over the course of the next few days or weeks, I'd go back to see the item in the store. I wanted to see
a) if it was still there
b) if it went on sale
c) if I still wanted it (i.e, if it had grown 'old' in the interim), failing that -
d) if I could detect a fatal flaw in it, and ultimately -
e) if I could leave it again


I think I was trying to achieve a certain indifference. Bottom line, I wanted to get tired of the item, become indifferent to it, and move on. Sometimes it would work, but sometimes I would become more attached to the item through these encounters.


Of course, there is Strategy 3: Don't go shopping.
This works 100% of the time... if I didn't want to go shopping in the first place!


Strategy 4: Buy it, take it home, use it, get tired of it... on the inside.
We know this is what happens in actual life. I could call this 'seeing the end from the beginning'. It's a great mental exercise, but I'm not always able to get to step 4. Sometimes I go off message and get stuck in a loop between steps 1 & 2. Loop, of course, is just another word for treadmill - and often I just buy the darned thing so I can get off it!


Once in a great while, I would enter a store, browse and leave with no more angst than if I'd just walked through a park. I started to notice that if I was feeling good and generally satisfied with my humanity (flaws included), I could walk away from most things most of the time. Really walk away. Meaning, I don't go sit in the car and call up its beautiful texture and color (treadmill!).
The truth is, when I enter any arena feeling a deficit of any sort, I'm shopping. Don't shop when you're hungry is good advice that extrapolates well into almost any circumstance. It just means - try to be as balanced as possible when putting yourself in a situation where you'll have to make a decision.
I also find it helpful to call up another pith admonition: See the glass as half full rather than half empty. If I work this right, I can ascribe abundance to many conditions by executive decision. By advancing acceptance, which I'll call an 'enriched indifference', this attitude also keeps time moving forward, and me (mercifully unstuck) along with it.