.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

My Oscar Picks


I completely enjoyed my movie binge these past few weeks. With less than a week to go for the Oscars, here are my favorites in each category. 

 

 Actor in a Leading Role

  Loved Colin Firth and James Franco, but I have to go with...

  • Javier Bardem in “Biutiful”
  • Jeff Bridges in “True Grit”
  • Jesse Eisenberg in “The Social Network”
  • Colin Firth in “The King's Speech”
  • James Franco in “127 Hours”

 

Actor in a Supporting Role

No contest, its...

  • Christian Bale in “The Fighter”
  • John Hawkes in “Winter's Bone”
  • Jeremy Renner in “The Town”
  • Mark Ruffalo in “The Kids Are All Right”
  • Geoffrey Rush in “The King's Speech”

 

Actress in a Leading Role

  Annette Bening was great too, but this actress pulled out all the stops... 

  • Annette Bening in “The Kids Are All Right”
  • Nicole Kidman in “Rabbit Hole”
  • Jennifer Lawrence in “Winter's Bone”
  • Natalie Portman in “Black Swan”
  • Michelle Williams in “Blue Valentine”

 

Actress in a Supporting Role

Her performance gave me the chills, and I couldn't forget...

  • Amy Adams in “The Fighter”
  • Helena Bonham Carter in “The King's Speech”
  • Melissa Leo in “The Fighter”
  • Hailee Steinfeld in “True Grit”
  • Jacki Weaver in “Animal Kingdom”

 

Best Picture

For me, it's between "127 hours" and...

  • “Black Swan” Mike Medavoy, Brian Oliver and Scott Franklin, Producers
  • “The Fighter” David Hoberman, Todd Lieberman and Mark Wahlberg, Producers
  • “Inception” Emma Thomas and Christopher Nolan, Producers
  • “The Kids Are All Right” Gary Gilbert, Jeffrey Levy-Hinte and Celine Rattray, Producers
  • “The King's Speech” Iain Canning, Emile Sherman and Gareth Unwin, Producers
  • “127 Hours” Christian Colson, Danny Boyle and John Smithson, Producers
  • “The Social Network” Scott Rudin, Dana Brunetti, Michael De Luca and Ceán Chaffin, Producers
  • “Toy Story 3” Darla K. Anderson, Producer
  • “True Grit” Scott Rudin, Ethan Coen and Joel Coen, Producers
  • “Winter's Bone" Anne Rosellini and Alix Madigan-Yorkin, Producers

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Biutiful - and the Age of Reason


Yesterday was the warmest day for the year here in New York (almost 60 degrees) and the city was buzzing with activity. Getting off work a little early, I took the opportunity to see the last movie on my list, Biutiful. It had a gritty, oppressive tone - small spaces, the tightly wound emotions of the players, each desperate in his own way. I loved Javier Bardem in this movie. He played the father of two who manages groups of illegal workers in Barcelona, becoming emotionally attached to several individuals in the process - an oriental woman who works in a sweatshop, and a North African street vendor dealing in counterfeit handbags. Bardem's character Uxbal is terminally ill, separated from his bipolar wife and worried about who will take care of his children after he is gone. He is also a spiritual medium, sought in his community to aid reluctant spirits in their transition to the afterlife.  Every character in this movie harbors a secret, even the dead ones. There was urgency and tragedy at every turn with very little redemption. Yet, I emerged onto Times Square afterward feeling refreshed.
 
The unrest in Bahrain and elsewhere in the Middle East has begun to weigh on me - and I wouldn't be surprised if people in general just don't have the emotional energy to sustain an interest in all the protests to come. The conflict in Egypt fit the formula for American consumption: a peaceful, righteous protest, a skirmish which kept everyone on the edge of their seats, the unlikely onset of mercy and reason, high hopes followed by dashed hopes followed by a miracle denouement. With relief, many will have dropped Egypt like a hot potato by now, satisfied that they'd seen it through, and wishing that the rest of the process would unfold smoothly, quietly and out of view. The conflicts in Bahrain and elsewhere may not be as clear cut, the rulers may not roll over, the military powers may not be as sympathetic toward "the street", and overstimulated western observers may not have it in them to care as much this time around. 

Last night my son wanted to talk. Every now and then he announces "I'd like to have a little chat". Sometimes it's a funny observation or a question about something he doesn't understand. Last night it was both.
"You know mom, I was sitting in class looking at the letter A and suddenly it hit me - why is an A an A?" 
"Because that's what we were taught, that's why" he answered his own question.
"I've been thinking about it all day and that's the only reason I could come up with." he said.
I agreed with him - and we talked about both the limitations and the usefulness of names; the fact that they are necessary compromises that help us communicate - indeed, that help build unity and understanding on both interpersonal and global levels.
Or cause governments to fall like walls. "The people", "the street" - these are names which have taken on new meaning for the world in recent weeks. The people have become noble and the street has become the pulse, the cornerstone, the truth.

As we conversed I could see that my son, still shy of thirteen, was trying to sort out what he really knows or can prove to/for himself, and what he has to take or accept as true.
After a pause he said "I have been wondering about something else." 
"Why am I here, and what is my purpose in life?". I smiled, and we continued talking on a practical level about what that could be, and how we might begin to get clues about it. 
In truth, I don't know the answer, but this is one of those questions that signals deep awareness just by virtue of being asked. As his mother, I was quietly jubilant. As his fellow human, I was overcome with love and compassion. Welcome to the world.


Monday, February 14, 2011

2011: An Oscar Oddessy

I am almost at the end of my 2011 search for Oscar magic. The last movie standing is Biutiful (Javier Bardem, actor in a leading role). I hope to see it this coming week.
Many Oscar hosts weave their monologues out of story lines from the nominated movies in ways both informative and entertaining. Here are some of the common themes and potential parallels they may want to explore this year.


Young Heroines with Dead Fathers

True Grit 
Smart-mouthed, gutsy teenage girl searches for her father's killer with the aid of a grizzly lawman. She loses her hand as the result of a snakebite.

Winter's Bone
Smart-mouthed, gutsy teenage girl becomes a bounty hunter in the search for her missing father. The bounty is no less than her family's home and property which her father (a methamphetamine cook) had put up as bond with the county prior to his disappearance. He turns up dead. She cuts the hands off his submerged corpse and brings them to lawmen for identification.

Honorable mention in the Severed Hand sub-category - 127 Hours. 
See Also: Self Mutilation

Bank Heists Gone Wrong

The Town  
Childhood buddies controlled by an aging Godfather-like florist, stage a series of bank robberies. One man wants to quit the business, but the Godfather demands that they do one last job. It goes right - they get the money and no one is hurt, not even the bank manager who was temporarily taken hostage. Then it goes really wrong. Bank robber falls for bank manager and ends up having to protect her and eventually himself from his cohorts and the Godfather, somewhat thwarting his exit from a life of crime. 

Animal Kingdom
Four brothers, controlled by their Godfather-like mother, stage a bank robbery that is  alluded to in the opening credits. Soon after, one brother is killed by the police, then the remaining 3 brothers kill two cops in revenge. Then another brother is killed by the police. With two brothers dead, the dynamic darkens. The mother finally starts to grieve and turns her anger on to the eldest brother who has gone off his medication and becomes increasingly menacing.

Controlling Mothers

The Fighter
The story of two brothers pimped out for prize money by their mother,who had long since neutered their father. She is the whole shebang - trainer, promoter and decider of everything, and is backed by gaggle of crone-like daughters who all depend to some degree on their brothers' earnings. The story takes a happy turn after their father finds some cohones.

Animal Kingdom 
Mother demands kisses on the lips from her four sons, and after the killing of the first son by the police tells her remaining sons (one freaking out and the others catatonic from shock) "Calm down."
See also: Bank Heists Gone Wrong. 

Self Mutilation  

127 Hours
Adrenaline junkie goes on a desert hike without telling anyone. Gets his hand caught between a rock and a very hard place and spends 127 hours taking inventory of his backpack (which does not include a cell phone), making farewell video recordings to his parents, practicing extreme water conservation by recycling his urine, finally getting around to amputating his arm just below the elbow. It's an uplifting story of survival, and a cautionary tale about the dangers of miscalculating one's independence. 

Black Swan  
In this movie, we get to see the ugly underbelly of ballet - split toenails, broken ankles, bulimia, restricted diets, and the perfectionism typical of dancers taken to its grotesque extreme by this ballerina who literally would give her life for the role.
See also: Dubious Lesbian Sex Scenes.    

Dubious Lesbian Sex Scenes 

Black Swan 
Earnest 'goody-two-shoes' ballerina digs deep for dark qualities to bring to the role of the black swan in the ballet Swan Lake. She digs so deep that she splits her personality, indulges in activities of which she has limited recollection, blurs fantasy with reality and generally speaking, loses her mind. The lesbian sex scene which earns the movie a spot in this category may not even have happened - since her lover's face morphs eerily into her own just before she blacks out.
See also: Self Mutilation

The Kids Are All Right
In this movie, the alleged lesbian sex scene takes place under the sheets while one partner watches a pornographic video featuring gay men. Go figure. Julianne Moore's character later goes on to have very uninhibited heterosexual relations with the couple's sperm donor, devastating her wife and I 'd bet, confusing the entire viewing audience. 
In the words of an incredulous Annette Bening: "Are you straight now?"
I would add, "Or what?"

Marriages in Trouble


Blue Valentine
The story of a married couple who fell out of love. She was a nurse who bumped into an old boyfriend in the grocery store, he was a quasi-employed moving man with anger issues. There were questions of earning power, division of labor, switching of allegiances etc.

The Kids Are All Right
The story of a lesbian married couple who fell out of trust. She was a doctor, she was a quasi-employed landscaper with a thing for her sperm donor slash only client. There were questions of earning power, division of labor, switching of allegiances etc.

Confusion of Fantasy with Reality

Inception
The futuristic tale of a dream-walker, an operative who can enter into someones dreams and steal ideas, or plant them there. Problem is, he spends so much time on the job that he has difficulty distinguishing between dreams and reality. His plight is further complicated by the attempts of his dead wife to hijack any dream he is having or participating in, with the aim of keeping him asleep with her permanently.

Black Swan
See also: Dubious Lesbian Sex Scenes

Teamwork, of a Sort

Toy Story 3
Woody and the gang escape the incinerator by linking arms in a 'human chain' to the strains of 'We Belong Together' (best original song nominee).

The Social Network
Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg proves that there is indeed an 'I' in team, and that through strategic share-splitting, one's rival (er, friend and financier) can be swindled out of his place on the masthead.

Coronations, of a Sort

The King's Speech
Stammering blue-blood takes a crash course in elocution to prepare for the throne which is being thrust upon him, and for the speeches he is expected to make as King. In due course he and his linguist become friends. True Story.

The Social Network
Socially inept Ivy League student dreams up (steals the idea for) a social network in an attempt to gate-crash a prestigious campus clubhouse. In due course his network garners 500 million users, he and his one friend become enemies, and he is crowned Time's Person of the Year. True story.
See also: Teamwork, of a Sort.


 

Sunday, February 13, 2011

New Again

About once a month I get a migraine that puts me down for a few hours and drastically increases my gratitude for the most mundane things once it has passed. There are a number of strategies that I use to combat these headaches which usually encompass the left side of my head, neck and back. When I was a teenager, I used a bandana tied tightly around my head and soaked with alcohol. 

After I had my son, the bandana was replaced by one of his cloth diapers, which conferred a kind of comfort that may have had curative properties as well. My alcohol of choice was and still is a green liquid marketed in the Caribbean as a cooling aid to be used in hot weather. It comes in a plastic bottle with a picture of a penguin and a glacier. 

As I got older and the migraines got meaner, I needed to add medication to the mix - usually Excedrin Migraine. However, when I began to practice yoga, I learned that body movement in itself could be healing. The theory is that even without conscious intent, the body is always trying to generate antidotes to whatever ails it, and that physical movement aids this process. I started to apply this whenever I had a migraine. The only directive to be followed is the body's own feeling. Sometimes there is an urge to twist, or to yawn or to stretch or move in some specific way.

With my migraines, twisting my body at the waist plus hyper-extending my neck to one side with my jaw dropped, synchronized with deep breathing worked wonders. Sometimes my mouth would suddenly be flooded with a distinctive tasting saliva - sweet, bitter, salty or some combination of these. In training, I was taught to mindfully swallow this saliva as it contained some medicine which was generated by my body.

Yesterday's headache did not yield for six hours, even with the 4 pronged approach of the bandana with alcohol, medication plus yoga. It was like riding a raft downriver complete with rapids, eddies and waterfalls. It may sound odd, but it was an interesting journey. And once I reached the end of the ride - the world was new again.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

In Search Of Magic

I am two thirds of the way through my Oscar movie marathon for 2011. I want to see all ten Best Picture nominees, as well as all of the movies from which Best Actor or Best Actress performances were nominated. And, I want to see them all before the Academy Awards Ceremony on February 27th. So, in addition to Black Swan, The Fighter, Inception, The Kids Are All Right, The King's Speech, 127 Hours, The Social Network, Toy Story 3, True Grit, and Winter's Bone - I will need to see Biutiful, Rabbit Hole, Blue Valentine, The Town and Animal Kingdom. As of tonight, I am 11 down and 4 to go.

This little exercise has encouraged me to look at movies I would normally have no interest in seeing. For example I hate the sport of boxing,which was a hurdle I had to overcome in order to see The Fighter. For my trouble, I was rewarded with Christian Bale's performance. He lost a lot of weight to play the role of a washed up, crack addicted ex-boxer whose last shred of self respect hung on the question of whether he had actually knocked down Sugar Ray Leonard as he'd like to remember, or whether Sugar Ray had tripped. Before I saw this movie, I liked Geoffrey Rush (The King's Speech) for best supporting actor, but Geoffrey seems a little tame to me now.

In addition to Christian Bale's spot-on performance in The Fighter, and the ride to save Mattie's life in True Grit, another magical experience for me was in the music from 127 Hours. Bill Wither's Lovely Day was entirely unexpected given what went before (musically speaking) in the movie, and so very uplifting. It was a life-affirming counterpoint to a scene that was utterly dismal, all the more so because it was based on real life events.

Winter's Bone was raw and touching - do people still live like this in America? When I saw the lead character taking her younger brother and sister (they were what, eleven and seven?) through the motions of target practice with a rifle and assorted empty plastic containers, admonishing them to "never, ever, never" point the gun at each other - I thought: guns sure make sense in Missouri, especially when your own kin are out to get you. I loved Jennifer Lawrence in this movie (lead actress). As she and her two younger siblings stared longingly at their neighbor skinning a deer while they were starving in plain sight next door, the brother wondered aloud whether they could ask for a piece of meat.
Her reply was the best quote of the movie: 'You should never ask for what ought to be offered'.

What didn't thrill me though, was The Social Network. It's very of the moment, I suppose - but it didn't take me anywhere special. Neither did  Black Swan, for all its dark weirdness. Nicole Kidman was pretty good in Rabbit Hole, but I was too distracted by her puffy lips. I don't think plastic surgery serves actors very well. Also, Nicole seems to have a stock way of expressing grief - same as she did in the movie Far and Away, which was a long long time ago when Tom Cruise still seemed normal.
Contrasted with Annette Bening in The Kids are All RIght, Nicole Kidman was as responsive as a rock. Annette Bening was wrinkled and bleary eyed, slightly plump and scarily real. I still have to see Michelle Williams in Blue Valentine, but so far Annette Bening has my vote for best actress.

Son (to his mothers, Annette Bening and Julianne Moore)
I don't think you guys should break up
Annette Bening: Why?
Son: Because you are too old.
Which proves that gay marriage has one key advantage over 'hetero' marriage.
With partners of the same sex, the prospects of each finding a new partner are equally good... or equally bad.

The King's Speech is favored to win almost every category in which it is nominated, so I'm purposely not focusing on it too much. I've seen it and I loved it, especially one luminous scene in which the King and Mr. Logue are walking out in the sunshine after a rainshower.
This scene is visually unusual - somewhat backlit with the pavement shimmering like pewter, the two figures almost halo-ed and silhouetted. This bright scene is the setting for one of the emotional low points of the movie.

Though I've seen Inception three times, I don't think it is going to win many awards. It's in the vein of other brain teasers like The Prestige and The Departed: nail-biting suspense and a convoluted story line that requires at least 5 viewings to grasp fully - but how you love every minute of your nervous confusion!

Yet to be seen are: Biutiful, Blue Valentine, The Town and Animal Kingdom. I'm still on the lookout for magic.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

My Son's Diction Lines

Bridging the Great Divide

Inanities

Noob - Slang for the slang newbie, meaning: clueless.
(Further slangified to Nub, just to keep me qualifying.)


Try-harding - video-game speak for trying hard. Putting one's heart and soul into something. Usually intoned with awe, as when someone is holed up in a building lobby, ambushed by enemy forces and he's giving them all he's got. Superseded in nobility only by...


Martyrdom - video-game speak for running out of the building lobby into the enemy ambush, and letting them give you all they've got...so your friends can escape.

Fail! - Exclaimed in response to an unsuccessful attempt of any kind. Used to express frustration or glee, depending on the situation. 

I'm bored! - This can happen without warning at any time.There's no explaining it.


Profanities
 
"My G*d, I'm Lagging!" - Son is experiencing slow Internet connection due to mother's blogging or father's Internet bill-paying. Parents are encouraged to wrap up their activities promptly and clear the lanes of the superhighway. 

"My teacher is so sexist!"... "The girls get to do whatever they want!"
- Son says the word 'sexist' and pauses to take my temperature. Delivers the next sentence, if necessary - so he can turn this into a vocabulary lesson.

Tight mad - Pissed off


Banalities 

Mad hot - Cool. 
However, when I say it, I get the look. 
Apparently, this expression has been passé since the release of the documentary 'Mad Hot Ballroom'.


Subtleties

GOML - Get on my level.  
This acronym is usually transmitted to an outmatched opponent during a video game, and means simply - you're a loser.


Peculiarities 

No-No Square - Off-limits area of one's anatomy.
(Sometimes delivered with a gesture delineating said territory.)




Profundities:

"When you have correction tape, you make more mistakes."



Sunday, January 23, 2011

True Grit


During Oscar season, I try to watch as many nominated movies as possible. Or rather, I try to watch as few movies as possible after analyzing the nominations and the reviews. Last year I managed to watch nine of the ten movies nominated for Best Picture, missing only 'A Serious Man'.  Last night I watched True Grit, which looks to be one of this year's nominees. The reviews had been mixed, and there was a lot of dialogue at the start. I must have dozed off, awaking in time to see the heroine Mattie get bitten by a rattlesnake while suspended upside down against the sloping wall of a dry shaft. What followed was the most gripping movie sequence I've seen in a long time.
Not the criss-cross cutting of the wound site and the sucking out of the venom, not the shooting at the rattlesnakes in the dark, not the hauling her out of the shaft. None of that.
It was the ride to save her life. Rooster Cogburn pulls her up onto the back of his horse and they both ride through the blinding desert sun into the velvet starry evening, into her sweat and delirium, through the horse's laboring and collapse, through her screams at the horse's death which Rooster delivers with a gunshot - and finally, with her in his arms - running, then stumbling, he out of breath and she barely breathing, collapsing in a heap some distance from a house, the occupants of which he alerts with a single shot in the air. 

This year's Oscar nominations will be announced on January 25th.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Equanimity, anyone?

Since I've been working more with the idea (and actual practice) of living in the moment and releasing attachments where possible, it's become clear that all people, events and things do not lend themselves equally well to this exercise. That's no surprise really, but what is interesting is the new spin this has put on my perception of time. Generally, before something is 'in the past' for me, there must have been some sort of internal resolution which allows my great friend indifference to arise. Once indifference arises, release is not far behind. In the meantime, that thing, person, issue or event is quite present for me.


So, the clock and calendar alone don't do the trick. They just let me measure how long the past is sticking for any particular burning issue. Example: "I've been stinging over this betrayal for the last 6 months..."
That's not all that time does - it also presents me with abundant opportunities to start over, though I can't always avail myself of them. I'm learning that the key to keeping the carpet of time moving forward is to not turn it into a treadmill. And the key to not creating mental and emotional treadmills is - well, if I knew that...


Take shopping for instance. I like to shop. Less so now, but generally, I like shopping for clothing, shoes, handbags. Over the years (of necessity) I've developed a strategy or two for leaving merchandise on the shelf.


Strategy 1: Buy it!
The theory is, the item will get 'old' (hopefully in a day or two), I won't want it and I'll return it.  But in practice - once those tags stay on, even though its in my closet, I still relate to it like a purchase not yet made. I look at it and walk away still 'undecided' until the next thing I know, the 30-day return window has expired and I'm left (literally)  holding the bag. To counter the fiscal irresponsibility of Strategy 1, there is...


Strategy 2: Visit the item at the store.
I tried this a few times. I would fall in love with something, but leave without purchasing it. Over the course of the next few days or weeks, I'd go back to see the item in the store. I wanted to see
a) if it was still there
b) if it went on sale
c) if I still wanted it (i.e, if it had grown 'old' in the interim), failing that -
d) if I could detect a fatal flaw in it, and ultimately -
e) if I could leave it again


I think I was trying to achieve a certain indifference. Bottom line, I wanted to get tired of the item, become indifferent to it, and move on. Sometimes it would work, but sometimes I would become more attached to the item through these encounters.


Of course, there is Strategy 3: Don't go shopping.
This works 100% of the time... if I didn't want to go shopping in the first place!


Strategy 4: Buy it, take it home, use it, get tired of it... on the inside.
We know this is what happens in actual life. I could call this 'seeing the end from the beginning'. It's a great mental exercise, but I'm not always able to get to step 4. Sometimes I go off message and get stuck in a loop between steps 1 & 2. Loop, of course, is just another word for treadmill - and often I just buy the darned thing so I can get off it!


Once in a great while, I would enter a store, browse and leave with no more angst than if I'd just walked through a park. I started to notice that if I was feeling good and generally satisfied with my humanity (flaws included), I could walk away from most things most of the time. Really walk away. Meaning, I don't go sit in the car and call up its beautiful texture and color (treadmill!).
The truth is, when I enter any arena feeling a deficit of any sort, I'm shopping. Don't shop when you're hungry is good advice that extrapolates well into almost any circumstance. It just means - try to be as balanced as possible when putting yourself in a situation where you'll have to make a decision.
I also find it helpful to call up another pith admonition: See the glass as half full rather than half empty. If I work this right, I can ascribe abundance to many conditions by executive decision. By advancing acceptance, which I'll call an 'enriched indifference', this attitude also keeps time moving forward, and me (mercifully unstuck) along with it.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Snow Day

Today I shoveled snow. Lots of it. The New York City Department of Sanitation, not wanting a failing grade for their handling of this storm, mounted a blitz that was bound to put a wry smile on the face of every snow-shagged New Yorker. The snow had barely fallen last night (not even an inch), when the plows passed on my street - twice! As the night wore on, we would hear them enough times to lose count... and interest.

This morning, the snow was light and powdery and so brilliantly white that it gave me pause. I shoveled the sidewalk, the front steps, along the side of the house and made a path through the backyard to the basement steps. When I was done, I was dripping wet under several layers of clothing, but it felt so good that after a rest I went back outside and shoveled my neighbors sidewalk and driveway as well. This is my eighty year old neighbor on the right. I shoveled and she salted - it was almost like gardening: one person turning the earth and the other seeding it. It was good to get the job done, but I couldn't get over just how good it was to sweat! And to kick off everything and relax afterward...
To that end, here's a snow poem.

Snow Day

by Billy Collins


Today we woke up to a revolution of snow,   
its white flag waving over everything,
the landscape vanished,
not a single mouse to punctuate the blankness,   
and beyond these windows

the government buildings smothered,
schools and libraries buried, the post office lost   
under the noiseless drift,
the paths of trains softly blocked,
the world fallen under this falling.

In a while, I will put on some boots
and step out like someone walking in water,   
and the dog will porpoise through the drifts,   
and I will shake a laden branch
sending a cold shower down on us both.

But for now I am a willing prisoner in this house,   
a sympathizer with the anarchic cause of snow.   
I will make a pot of tea
and listen to the plastic radio on the counter,   
as glad as anyone to hear the news

that the Kiddie Corner School is closed,   
the Ding-Dong School, closed.
the All Aboard Children’s School, closed,   
the Hi-Ho Nursery School, closed,
along with—some will be delighted to hear—

the Toadstool School, the Little School,
Little Sparrows Nursery School,
Little Stars Pre-School, Peas-and-Carrots Day School   
the Tom Thumb Child Center, all closed,
and—clap your hands—the Peanuts Play School.

So this is where the children hide all day,
These are the nests where they letter and draw,   
where they put on their bright miniature jackets,   
all darting and climbing and sliding,
all but the few girls whispering by the fence.

And now I am listening hard
in the grandiose silence of the snow,
trying to hear what those three girls are plotting,   
what riot is afoot,
which small queen is about to be brought down.


Also, check out Billy Collins on the You Tube Video Bar -  see the animated poem 'Forgetfulness'...and don't miss the delightful video of the 3 year old reciting 'Litany'!
(Pause the music play list first)

Thursday, January 6, 2011

A good place to start

St. Blase
My son is preparing for the Sacrament of Confirmation - having already received the Sacraments of Baptism, First Holy Communion, and periodic doses of Confession. He doesn't get why he should be confirmed. 
"Question." he alerts me, "Is this only so that I can have a Catholic marriage?" "Father So-And-So says that we can't be married in church if we are not confirmed." How irrelevant that prize must seem to him at this point.
"Why are you in the process of being confirmed?" I pause, not having even a semi-vehement answer for him. "We are Catholic, therefore you are Catholic..." I start rather weakly, wishing I could conjure Topol's Tevye from Fiddler on the Roof to sing: "TRADITION, TRADITION!"


Children are baptized into the church usually between 3-6 months of age. At age seven, they are invited into the community with their first breaking of bread - First Holy Communion. At age twelve, they are asked to confirm the choices which their parents made for them at Baptism. This is the last the church will see of many young adults until it's time for them to get married, hence Father So-And-So's admonition.


I have received the sacraments as well, but much of what I would consider my vital spiritual growth has taken place outside of the Catholic Church. During one such period I was a student of 'A Course in Miracles'. That teaching can be described as 'spiritual psychotherapy', and was received by a psychologist named Helen Schucman. Its mysterious origin aside, it is a brilliant and powerful thought system which notably re-interprets the concept of sin.
I then explored yoga with a Taoist bent for another 6 or so years. This practice attempts to unify body, mind, spirit through the study of energy principles. I experienced a great sense of well-being with this training as long as I didn't become too goal-oriented. In between these was my exploration of Buddhist teachings through the books of Pema Chodron, Shunryu Suzuki and Chogyam Trungpa. I've come to think of these forays as essential springboards over specific hurdles, and segments of a larger arc of travel.

 My son has chosen Saint Blase (St. Blaise, St. Blaize) as his patron saint, and will also carry his name. St. Blase lived in what is now Turkey. He was martyred in 316, his flesh ripped from his body with a fleece comb, which is like a mini rake. Talk about a thousand ways to die - Saint Lawrence was roasted alive on a gridiron during Valerian's persecution, and is said to have remarked "This side is done, turn me over and have a bite." (He's the patron saint of butchers...and comedians).
Very little else is known about Blase except that he was a physician before he became a priest. He is known as the patron saint of the throat because, as the story goes, he healed a child of a throat ailment. In some versions of the story, it's a fishbone which he removes by miraculous means.  He is also the patron saint of wool spinners because of the fleece comb incident. 


I don't think it's time to tell my son about the challenges of belief, the imperfection of all man-made institutions, and the likely need to learn of things outside his 'birth faith'. He is going to church to gain a foundation, a framework for exploration; to learn the habits of prayer and reflection; to listen and to question. I think it is a good place to start.













Saturday, January 1, 2011

Subtraction, for a change

Happy New Year. The most welcome sight in New York City for 2011 is...the pavement!
The streets of New York are finally plowed for the most part, although a trip to Brooklyn yesterday was less than reassuring. It's been a bit surreal, the clean-up response to this blizzard of 2010. So silent, so outrageously hypo-existent, and though the worst most of us experienced was some irritation at being snowed in and house-bound, we are learning of the tragedies which resulted from, or were compounded by the paralysis of the New York City Department of Sanitation.

For the past few days the warmer temperature has helped the melt along. Soon we will have no snow left
and the anger and frustration will seem a little misplaced for those of us who suffered no lasting consequences.
But for those who lost babies and elderly family members because help couldn't get to them, had car accidents, slipped, fell, broke a bone - how odd, how outrageous it will be to have the snow gone.

Today I saw a snippet of a CNN interview of Michael J. Fox by Dr.Sanjay Gupta. Every time I see Michael J. Fox, which isn't very often, I am struck by how long he has struggled with Parkinson's, but more so by the way he inhabits the disease, which he describes as 'the gift that keeps on taking'. The less he's left with, the more he's determined to make of it. After watching the segment, I went to the kitchen and boxed up one of the two sets of dishes that I use. It seemed like the thing to do.

This past year is surely one whose dust I shall gladly shake from my feet. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, but using my (very) newly adopted policy of "done task, don't dwell", I've been trying to throw things over my shoulder with a pinch more fastidiousness than Lot's wife (who just had to look back, and was turned into a pillar of salt for her trouble).

It is refreshing and liberating to simply keep moving forward no matter what happens. It might not actually be possible at every moment - but there's something to be said for making the effort. The metaphysical among us would argue that if you don't think of something, it doesn't exist for you, but what about that darned snow which soon won't exist, but which many people will remember in large part because of the losses it inflicted? Letting go can involve a double negative, or two.

Photo: Me, not skiing - Calicoon, N.Y.

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Either paused or hesitating

 Merry Christmas! Well, Christmas is over, as is the blizzard that showered New York City with 20 inches of snow. I love snowstorms: the wind, the snow whipping around in every direction, the whiteness which simplifies the landscape. At times like these I like to read Robert Frost, who seems to have written quite a number of poems about winter. I like to imagine that I am in an open horse-drawn carriage, clippity-clopping my way though some snowy woods or other, everything else in the world either paused or hesitating.

I find that the passage of time is like going up a mountain and then going down the other side. I don't mean that in the cliched sense of being 'over the hill'. I mean, as one ascends, supplies diminish. As fatigue sets in and the vistas open up, one is less and less willing to carry or even consider the unnecessary. As the air gets thinner, one breathes more and speaks less, and what I have found is that I don't even care for the unexpressed thoughts swirling around. There is so much that can and should be dropped. Beyond acknowledging mistakes and pain, taking action, and making whatever amends one can - what else can one do?

In November I surprised myself by allowing, and indeed facilitating the end of an old friendship. I realized that despite honest attempts from both sides, the friendship could not escape a particular dynamic which the other person found expedient, but which I had no interest in repeating. The moment came and I let it go. It felt completely correct.  Finally I see that knowing what you want (or don't want) makes the course of action very clear, and limits regret to misgivings over poor execution. Goodbye, friend.

This morning we had a pink and gold sunrise with sheets of gray, slow moving clouds and birds hurling themselves happily in every direction. It was wonderful having nowhere in particular to be, nowhere is particular to go.

Photo: Mine, Gapstow Bridge,Central Park NYC

Monday, November 29, 2010

A show of hands


It seems I have been presented with the opportunity to fulfill one of the 'wishes' on my Rocket List.
The Rocket List is my version of the not-as-cooly-named Bucket List : things to do before one expires.
On my very quickly trumped-up list, I had mentioned that I'd like to see what it would be like to go a day without one of the five senses, and I had tacked speech onto the sense of taste because it was in the neighborhood.
So - here I am with a bout of laryngitis which has followed on the heels of a nasty cold that came down on me the day after Thanksgiving. I literally couldn't speak if I wanted to - and when I try, I sound like a sea lion. I have spent this day (apart from emitting the occasional bark) in complete silence.Tomorrow, I am supposed to resume my grand jury duty.

I was randomly selected as the deputy secretary of the panel by the court officer. The next day, the secretary (who volunteered for the post) didn't show up, and the day after that, seeing what was involved, she asked me to continue sitting in. Later, with a wave of her hand said to me 'You can have it'. 

Since then, my note-taking skills have seen some serious action. There are twenty-three of us on the panel. As acting secretary, I receive the dockets from the Assistant District Attorney and log in several pertinent bits of information: the name(s) of the accused and the names of any witnesses due to testify; the docket number, the names of the ADA and the court stenographer, the list of charges and the disposition of the case based on the Grand Jury vote.

@ Joyce Kilmer Park, near the Supreme Court
Everyone is required to take their own notes, but I seemed to be the only one able to get down the entire penal code definitions word for word as given by the ADA when charging us with the vote. They recite the code the way a seasoned Catholic recites the 'Hail Mary'. If you don't already know it - good luck picking it up from what you hear. I suggested that each ADA supply a typewritten copy of the Penal Code definitions based on the charges they plan to bring.  Of course I only suggested this to the other grand jurors, after which they took to calling me the Secretary General.

When we get charged with the vote, the ADA and the Steno leave the room and everyone looks at me like I'm Moses with the tablets. So I read back the code:

"Penal Code 265.03 sub (1) sub (b): criminal possession of a weapon in the second degree. A person is guilty of criminal possession of a weapon in the second degree when
1) with intent to use the same unlawfully against another, such person
 b) possesses a loaded firearm"

People get a sense of where their gut is based on the evidence heard, and we take the vote whether to indict or dismiss.
Tomorrow will be interesting. I plan to continue my duties, but will hand off the reading of the charges to the original secretary. I can then focus more on reading back my own case notes and participating in the show of hands.

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Meanwhile, back on the island...

@ Lapeyrouse Cemetery


















My family recently made the trip to Trinidad for my husband's grandmother's funeral - as much for that event as for some face time for my son and my father who have not seen each other in person in about 18 months. It was a short trip, just four days. 
  

















I was also able to visit and lay flowers at my grandfather's grave which is located in a very small unkempt cemetery in Petit Valley. I tugged futilely at the tough grass - unable to get even one tuft out with my hands despite all the rain that had fallen (and was still falling) that day.I needed a hoe and an afternoon, and I had neither. I put the flowers anyway - I bought and arranged them myself: pink, white and red ginger lilies; red, pink and white anthurium lilies and Andromeda heliconias. I arranged them in a cut out 2-liter soda bottle full of water. They are good hardy blooms and should have lasted at least a week - if no one removed them.














 On the way home from the cemetery I passed a high-school friend walking along the road. I backed up and stopped to talk to her. She was just finishing up her chemotherapy for a 'tiny lump' which she'd had removed. She was bald but she was bright and optimistic about the future.I had last seen her in 2001 at our high school reunion.

We had one beach day which was rained out - but still lots of fun, and (I thought) beautiful. The rainy season tends to feature days with bright sunny mornings followed by mid-day showers and wild-card afternoons. On our beach day, the afternoon never cleared up.
















We made up for that with two lovely mornings of breakfast on the water at one of several boatyards in Chaguramas.




On the way home from breakfast, we passed by these church ruins, (St Chad's Church), a favorite spot of mine.

We rounded out the four days with the purchase of these two paintings.The artist was set up right next to the lady selling flowers by the side of the road. So,I bought my grandfather's flowers and some art in one roadside stop.