No Iron Balloons

With a Henry Moore sculpture - June 2008, NYBG

It started this past Thursday - a cyclist almost ran me over on the sidewalk. He had no business there, but once he passed me I looked past him up the canyon of Fifth Avenue, wondering what it would be like to ride my own bike up the length of it. That started me thinking (of all things) about my upcoming birthday which is just weeks away from claiming another year of my life. By then, the thought was fully formed: "What have I been doing all my life?


This type of reflection is proof positive that one's youth is fast departing (I am being kind). Where did the time go? What do I have to show for it? Is this as good as it gets? Because life is truly seamless and organic, its quite difficult to tease out the tiny threads of cause from the tangled ball of their effects. So, unless you are standing in a cesspool (i.e, assuming you are reasonably OK with your life) you don't really look for scapegoats, or rogues to rue. As a result, you rarely regret what you've done, (criminals and jerks aside) rather - what you didn't do.

Enter 'the bucket list'. I'm not crazy about the term but I like the idea of at least taking stock of what you think you'd like to do before you 'go'.

Some people think they want to climb Mount Everest, or perhaps a more modest slope (you don't want to risk kicking the bucket before you fill it), go to some exotic country or other, run with the bulls in Pamplona, go on Safari in Kenya, volunteer for some noble cause, write a book, swim with the dolphins, run a marathon. Feats of endurance, feats of indulgence, and some feats of pure foolishness too.

I hadn't given it any thought whatsoever until that evening. If you'd asked me that morning what I would want to accomplish in life, I would have replied that I'd like to see my son reach adulthood, and I would like to have peace of mind along the way. 'Winning the lottery' rears its head now and then - but that's not within my control. Not that anything really is. So, I thought about it, and the first thing I decided was to call it something different: "My Liftoff List". Like a rocket-ship rather than a bucket. Something to blast off in - rather than something to kick. Up rather than down. Next, I decided that the list couldn't be populated with 'iron balloons', but rather things somewhat within my power to initiate and complete. There goes growing beautifully old like Vanessa Redgrave. So, here it is, in no particular order:

1. Become an elementary school Phys Ed teacher. I know this is possible because my son's Phys Ed teacher is at least 65, has a bum knee and walks with a cane. Thus far, I only have the bum knee.

2. Plant a garden of 'under-appreciated' plants (code for 'weeds'). I've got a jump start on this one already.

3. Dress strictly out of a (carry-on size) suitcase for a month. The only extra I will allow myself is a (carry-on size) tub of laundry detergent.

4. 'Give up' a different one of the five senses for each day of a week - and give up speech on the 6th day.
Give up the project on the seventh day because the kick to this is renewed appreciation not masochism.
 
5. Spend a night sleeping out in the backyard. Its a nice compromise between my warm bed and camping. I could move my warm bed into the backyard which would be an even nicer compromise.

6. Have an exhibition of my photographs and publish a book of poetry. ( Nowhere do I say they have to be any good.)    

7. Travel to the hillside where (they filmed) Julie Andrews singing 'The Sound of Music'.

8. Have a birthday party at the New York Botanical Gardens. Peggy Rockefeller's Rose Garden to be specific.

9. Learn to tolerate more asymmetry and uncertainty. Like having a list of only 9 items - and having no idea whether I'll accomplish them.

   Liftoff.

    

Artist and admirer in the Rose Garden

Peggy Rockefeller's Rose Garden - NYBG